This past week, I discovered a new way of thinking about my health: assessing my desire to get out of town! Last October, when I was having a lot of trouble breathing, and more trouble than I now have just talking--when I was spending so much time in various clinics that I felt like a professional patient--I decided that leaving Madison for a few days a month was really essential. It made me feel much better to be someplace where I had no doctors' appointments, and where I could at least pretend that I was "normal," not a sickie. So I plotted my escapes, and made them--to DC and Boston, Zion National Park and Los Angeles, the Virgin Islands, Arizona....
But this past week, when I was thinking about another trip east in early April, I realized I'd done enough traveling. The trips themselves have all been great, but each one requires at least a few days of getting ready to go and then catching up on mail, email, errands, etc. when I get back. And I realized that I've been out of town at least five days a month every month since August. (And although I think I was here most of July, I know I was gone for at least five days each last June, May, April....) When I added all that time up, combined with the preparation and catching up times, and took into account the four days/month I'm pretty much out of commission because of chemotherapy, it suddenly became clear why I never get anything accomplished around here! And as my energy slowly returns, I really do have the desire to accomplish something (though I couldn't say what, other than organizing some files and writing some dates in photo albums) rather than be on perpetual vacation! So I take it as a sign of good health that I don't want to go anywhere, at least until the end of May, when Robin Chapman and I will be teaching our class at The Clearing in Door County.
Of course, it could just be a sign that winter seems to be losing its relentless grip, and the temperatures in Madison this week are predicted to go into the high 30s, and maybe even 40s!
And on March 21, after my next CT scan, Dr. Holen and I will figure out if I can take a vacation from chemo this summer, and when-- and you may be sure that if I'm let off of that tether, I won't be hanging around here for the entire time!
In the meantime, I'm happy just to stay in Madison and watch the snow and ice gradually disappear.
Occasional reflections on my journey through life without a voice, with digressions to keep friends, family, and interested others informed about my health. In June 2007, a tumor or tumors related to my metastatic stomach cancer began to squeeze the nerves that control the larynx and the diaphragm--affecting both my ability to breathe and to speak. But I still have plenty to say!
2 comments:
Hi Judy - I have been out of touch but when I heard your commentary on "To the Best of Our Knowledge" I had to chime in on your blog.
I am working in a primary care clinic now. Too many of us are too busy to talk about what you are talking about.
Thank you for sharing your journey so generously.
Mi Shebeirach
Dear Judith -- I too caught a bit of your commentary on TTBOOK a few weeks back. But unlike the FIRST time I heard you on the radio (which was just about ten years ago now), I didn't recognize your voice this time (duh!) and had to wait until JimF *announced* that it had been you speaking; he also startled me with the news of the very serious challenges to your health these past few years.
The brief visit we had in Madison in late 2005 (I think that was when it was, anyway) remains a delight in my memory, and I'm very sorry I haven't found/made time to get back to Madison (or otherwise cross paths with you) since then. Perhaps it will please you to hear that
I HAVE been reading your published work, whenever
I find something "new" (= not already read, that is).
I've even resorted to Interlibrary Loan to locate
some of your "rarer" publications!
And now there's this web-based way to "keep in touch" with you -- thanks a bunch for putting this form of communication to such good use; not only does it re-
assure your friends that you are still here in all your glory(!), but you're also demonstrating in no uncertain terms that voiceless and speechless don't always mean silent/silenced, un-heard-from, and/or un-listened-to!
I'm glad to hear that spring is beginning to arrive in Madison; it bodes well for us up here in central and northern Wisconsin, where the just-beginning-to-
shrink snow piles are still incredibly high!
Looking ahead a bit: In late May I will have just re-
turned from a long visit with my son (and his family)
in Switzerland, and just as you said in your blog entry on Monday, I will have a LOT of catching up to do at home ... which means I can't seriously consider making another trip then, much as I wish I could join your class in Door County. Here's hoping you have a great time there/then (and throughout the summer, too).
-- Dorothy Shields
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